Saturday, December 5, 2009


12/05/2009 12:25:00 AM
OK, there is a new guy, who is kinda exactly like D. in physical looks, and way better person than him. I'll call him S. His name starts with S. and I'd really like to tell you his name, but I can't, you know, I'm kinda too paranoid, but maybe I'll become more free in telling you some stuffs in the future when I get relaxed and when I learn how to open myself completely. On the other hand, the initials sound more mysterious.

So, let's go back to the subject, I'll call him S. I could write some fictional name, but I don't want to, the S. reminds me on S. like D. reminds me on D, so it will stay that way.

So, this guy is very cute, looks normal, very muscular, bit short but still awesome, and at first sight he's not egocentric maniac, like D. And of course that he's straight and has a girl-friend and a very long relationship (I think that they are about 2 years together) :D Yeah, I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Woohoo!

I noticed him one day when we were applying for the uni, in the main building and of course that I noticed him cause he was the most beautiful person there, and then I saw him the day when we were giving our documents and were signing in. And somehow we met, I don't know exactly how, one day while we were waiting for something with a lot of other people, all the people standing there met each other, cause we all were freshman year and we were lost in organization at uni, files and stuffs. Now we say "Hi!" to each other every day, and that's makes me really happy, and I don't need to watch him secretly, I can stare at him as much as I want.

The best thing of all this is that I didn't get so crazy and obsessed with him, like I was with D. Probably cause I have some experience and I'm older and wiser :P I can somehow control my feelings toward S. even though I really enjoy watching his pictures on the Facebook and watching him during classes which we have together. Of course, I do that in the way that no one can see and notice. But, these days I was thinking about my behaviour, I mean I think that I'm kinda suspicious to him, cause I noticed that he looks at me in a weird way, maybe he noticed something, or just maybe I'm becoming more and more paranoid. This closet shit makes me so paranoid, I hate it!

What will I do? Nothing, I will just enjoy in his appearance and that's all, say him "Hi" from times to time and I'll be satisfied. If he somehow starts deeper friendship than this, I will be so glad, and I'm kinda secretly hoping for this.

I don't know why I can't find some cute, gay, similar to me person. It's so hard, cause you know, the homophobic nation... I can't wait to go back abroad again.

If my exams goes well, I'll maybe try to travel somewhere during my Spring Break!

Thanks a lot for reading, looking forward for your comments.

About the author

Secret Blogger is writing about his life, living as a gay guy in a homophobic society.


  1. Psh, your English is just fine in this post. :-P

    Perhaps you should get to know S a bit more, and be more of a friend than just saying "Hi" whenever you see him. Study hard, but don't stress out too much over it.

  2. Hypnos

    Nice to see you back and posting again. Its our burden to fall in lov with all these cut straight guys. I have linked you.

    hope school goes well for you
    take care and be safe


  3. being friends with someone your crushing on is hard, take it from me. If hes undeniably straight maybe its better this way cause loving straight boys just sux!! Although its always fun to imagine them getting out of bed one day and saying "i think im gay now"....if only...

  4. Finally someone who understand me :S. I meet this guy in Uni too, he is sooooo cute, I can't stop looking at him, First I was to nervious to talk to him, but then i had the opportunity and did it, since then we are getting closer, i mean we are way to far from friendship, but well something is better than nothing :D

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  6. Just finished reading your 2008-2009 blog post. I'm going to watch the movie shelter now and come back on to read 2010. iWonder what ever happened to D and eager to see what happens with S


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