Sunday, February 14, 2010

Does my family have big conservative views or fundamentalist religious views?

2/14/2010 02:17:00 AM
Wayne here; Does your family have big C conservative views or fundamentalist religious views? This can make it really tough to be honest with yourself about your sexuality.
Yo Wayne :) Thanks a lot for reading... Well, first, I didn't understand that 'C' before conservative (does that mean anything or is it just mistake in typing), but anyway I will try to explain what I understood :).

OK, my family (and major part of this society) is very old fashioned and very (I wouldn't say 'antigay' more 'not familiar with the term') but they wouldn't understand that (I mean on homosexuality). They think that homosexuality is not normal and it's bad (probably cause the gay stereotype is not so good presented in the world and in my country, with all that Gay Pride and all that HIV transmission between gay people, and no one sees the fact that the 'normal' people can also transmits HIV, for them the gays are the major reason of HIV transmission). Because of that old-fashion I said I will never come out to them... And I like the fact that homosexuality is more present in media, in movies, in series, so they're slowly accepting the fact that the homosexuality is really here and that we are living in 21st century, and the most people are living fine by being the "different"... So, I'm hoping that some views will change, but it's really hard... It's not so conservative, I don't know how to explain exactly...

LOL, I just remembered the fact that Ancients Greeks were very open minded considering homosexuality. I mean, it was normal for them to be able to love someone who is same gender and kinda considered normal for great leaders to find boy lovers. „Only man knows what man wants“ or something like that, you'll get the point :P OMG, sounds amazing, and they lived between 8th and 2nd century BC and we live in 21st and have problems accepting this.

I'm Christian (but not Catholic), and yeah Church has a lot against gays and "different" people cause it's "not natural" and all that bullshits which all religions are saying. My family and I are also very religious (meaning that we believe in God), but my religion is not so fundamental... I can even say that it's really liberal and opened. I mean, in the catholic church you have a lot of "must" and "must not" which I do not approve (like, you MUST go to church every Sunday, you must not have sex before marrying, you must not have sexual relations with another man. Why? God gave us freedom and I will and can do whatever I want, as long as I don't harm the other people). In my religion there is some customs and traditions, and me and my family respect that, but it's not so strict. I mean on respecting and celebrating Christmas, Easter, some Saints, follow the path of God's will etc. You're not obligated to go to the church, you can go by your own will if you want and when you want.

Our church doesn't approve gays (that's official, they even stand out against some law considering gays when the Parliament were voting for 'no discrimination toward gays and/or "different" people'. And the law was accepted, regardless of the appeal of the Church), but that doesn't really concerns me if I want to believe in God and if I want to go to church, I just can't be married in the church and that's all, and they (if they knew about me) will only look me different and strange, but nothing special. I believe in God on my own way. Of course, the way which is combined with my religion. In few word, I believe that he loves us all (and that's the whole point of Christianity: love, faith and hope) so there is no point of saying what you must and must not do and that God doesn't like "different" people. The Church is abusing the God's will a lot, and I hate that...

OK, this probably isn't answer to your question, but I wanted to explain that my parents are not so influenced with church, they are simply narrow minded and old-fashioned, not strictly conservative, and I KNOW that they will never understand what I'm feeling toward other men...

They are not strict or anything, but I also KNOW that I will break their heart for sure if I come out as a gay or bisexual or whatever.

They simply CAN'T understand that you can have love-feelings (meaning sexual attraction and love) toward another man even if you are a man or to have love-feelings woman to woman. They are old fashioned, they expect that I will marry someday (to a girl), have children and live happily ever after (yeah right!)... The homosexuality is just new term to them and to the society. But as I said in my title... "sometimes the life you have isn't to one you want"... They were and still are perfect mom and dad, and I love them soooo much, but I don't know how will I handle the fact that I will probably break their heart one day. I plan to move somewhere (after finishing University) and not tell them about my sexuality never (and it will break their heart for sure, cause they will know that something is wrong if I never get married to a woman, they will think about millions reasons, but I KNOW that the homosexuality would be the last thing on their mind).
The other option is to tell them about my sexuality and then move out somewhere, so they will understand why I left and why I don't want to live with them, and they will probably be very ashamed and left with broken heart. I know that they would still love me, but it will be soooo hard for them to accept the fact that I can be attracted to another man sexually. And they are going into 50s (I mean on years, I don't know did I spelled this correct) and 60s, so, who knows, maybe they would get heart attack after telling them this, cause this is would be very big SHOCK for them :(...

I had problems accepting my sexuality cause I was raised by this views, but thank God, they didn't raised me to be narrow minded, so I easily accept it after realising that it's not so 'abnormal'. I came out to myself only two or three years after first sexual attraction toward man, which maybe is long, but I don't feel like that. Now I want to explore others part of these feelings, I never kissed a boy and never had sex with a boy. That's now my goal, to explore homosexuality, to find myself and finally to describe my sexuality, but it's so hard because I live with my parents and the only way I can do this is going somewhere on a holiday and try there, where no one knows me, cause even though my city has millions and millions citizens (and a lot of open gays), it's still 'small', cause I've lived here so long and I'm very social kid and this news (that someone is gay) are spread really fast.

OK, long post... Maybe is not answer to your question, but at least I opened myself to readers and it's all inspired by your question. So, Wayne, thank you one more time for asking... If something is not understood, feel free to ask me something else again :)

About the author

Secret Blogger is writing about his life, living as a gay guy in a homophobic society.


  1. I must admit I did learn more about you from that post

  2. @Aek: :), Well this question thing will help me open up, I think :)

    @Ethan: Yay, that was the whole point of this questions... And I've got some more :)

  3. Thank you, B, for your heart-felt explanation. (Big C just means extremely conservative) It would certainly be in everyone's best interest for you to stay in the closet until you complete your education and are settled down with some homosexual friends for support. In the meantime, you can certainly have some 'friends with benefits' and be discrete. If family asks why you are not in serious relationships with girls, simply explain that you are a young man who wants to enjoy your freedom and you don't want to be tied down. As for the Christian religion (I'm Christian also) please keep in mind that most organised religions were written by men thousands of years ago from a tribal and parochial viewpoint with little knowlege of science. Homosexuality was not conducive to the 'go forth and multiply' philosophy at the time (the population of the world was only a few hundred million). Good advice then, bad advice today. Keep in mind also that Jesus didn't like hypocracy and didn't put down anyone's sexuality. Being in the closet can be stressful and no one likes to live a lie and it is certainly not fair. Someday when you have your financial independence and homosexual partner for support, you can come out to your parents who will accept it in time when they see that you are happy. (you may even be able to have kids by surrogate or adopt!) No young person should have to agonize over their sexuality, and I hope the day will come soon that this discrimination is gone for good. You are not alone in this problem; I have commented on some other young gay blogs who have the same situation. Please keep in mind that for homosexuals and heterosexuals both, that aids, hep c, and a list of venerial diseases are out there, so never assume and always practice safe sex! I'm pulling for you! - Wayne

  4. Heart-felt awww thanks, that really means a lot cause I'm trying to make my blog more honest and these questions thing really helped a lot...

    AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENT AND QUESTION, it was amazing reading it... Amazing advices and yeah, I don't want to come out yet, and that's what I planed in my future, become financial independent and then maybe come out or just tell them that I can't tell them cause it will be too stressful for them.

    And that about children, man that's kinda too touchy subject and I will try to blog more about it on this blog, to express my opinion of all that.

    I also hope that homosexuality can become equal to heterosexuality... The most countries are very open, but not the rest of the world :( We are only at the beginning of fight for our freedom...

    Thank you one more time, I'm really happy now :) and also because of one more thing which happened yesterday, I will write probably post right now about that :)

  5. (firstly, thanks Wayner - I also benefit from your advice :)

    I am Christian too, btw... (it helps to know that God wouldn't necessarily hate me coz am different)

    Thank you B for this post... This new style of Q&A is really helping me know you better... and man! It's my turn to say OMG!!
    We're so similar in the way our lives are. I could say the same thing about my parents (you probably noticed it from my posts)

    I am also not thinking of telling them any soon about my sexual identity. The fact that I am away from home (for schooling) is probably helping me in the fact that my parents would not bug me with "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"
    They do ask such questions though when we meet on holidays but then I can easily run away or laugh about it.

    But we (you and I) must always remember that we're at a great advantage - OUR PARENTS LOVE US SO MUCH! and our relationship with them are really strong (love and care, etc.) so no matter what, they will one day understand us and support us. But we should wait for that time and not stress much about coming out to them in the meanwhile, so I think. We've got plenty of exploration to do in the near future

    Love and Care,

  6. @Sam: :) That's maybe because we live near, so the people views are the same and we were raised in similar family... I'm glad because of that...

    Oh, you are so (un)lucky (:P) for being so far away from home, I kinda feel that they are choking me here. Like whatever I do, they ask me where I'm going, with who and such stuff, I can't wait for some holiday so I will run away for some time :)...

    And I hope that they will understand, but it will be so hard, I can only imagine how would they react and I think that it will be so unpleasant for me and for them :( And you are right about waiting... You are right about everything! Thanks a lot for comment...

  7. but they love is, man!!
    No matter how their first reaction would be, one day they'll understand and accept!!!
    fingers crossed

    (hope u get to travel and have fun soon!)

  8. Thanks, I hope so... We'll see! :)


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