Monday, March 29, 2010

Quick post

3/29/2010 10:39:00 PM

This will be small post and big teaser for next posts... Sorry for not blogging in a while, but I had a lot of work with school and stuff and I had a problem with school (my marks and stuff)... I will explain everything.

I have so much to tell you all, you won't believe what is happening to me :-) Maybe, soon I will have my first boyfriend... And I feel so GOOD!

All the details tomorrow, I feel so happy now and I wanted to share this feeling with you... What a wonderful day! :-)

I hope that you are also doing fine...? From Wednesday I'm on my Spring Break, FINALLY!!! Can't wait!


Monday, March 15, 2010

The Perfect Day

3/15/2010 12:39:00 PM
Time for a dirty question; what is your favourite fantasy when you masturbate? - Wayne (from Ask me anything)

I got this interesting question from Wayne and I will satisfy his wish and write about one of my fantasies. This one is my current one... Inspired with some guy, and probably soon, you’ll find out more about him. I won't use names and places, it will be my attemt to make my first artistic story in English, and that’s really big challenge for my vocabulary and my whole English text structure. That’s why I was delaying the questions for so long, and now I finally found time to do it right. Sorry, Wayne… But here it is, finally :-) And when I masturbate, the favourite part is sex part, of course (obviously), but the whole story as imagined in my head turns me on, so that’s the real answer to your question and the rest is just my attempt to make post bit better and more beautiful and more artistic. And I will try to present my fantasy as best as I can, but keep in mind that I can’t write that well yet in English and it’s maybe even better in my head or in my native language than in this short story, but I gave it a shot. And also have in mind that I have never been with a guy (yet) so this is just pure imagination and my impression what is like to be with a guy. I can’t wait to hear your comments. And please write feedback on grammar mistakes and English mistakes I made… It will be great help. Thanks in advance. So here we go :) Enjoy…

    I just landed at the airport. After six hour flight, I felt really exhausted. He was expecting me standing there and smiling toward me. He spotted me. He was wearing his usual military uniform and seemed even hotter and more handsome then the last time I saw him two months ago. I finished with checking and I passed the control. I wanted to run to him and to hug him so hard, but I couldn’t because there were too many people in the terminal and we didn’t want any inconvenient situation, so I just slowly walked toward him making my legs walk slowly. So we just hugged for short time, so no one would get suspicious. He smelled so nice, I missed him a lot. I was feeling like I’m melting.
    “Hey, you” he simply said with his adorable voice.
    “Hey” I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t say anything more than that.
    “I missed you so much” he whispered to my ear so no one could hear.
    I wanted to kiss those beautiful full lips, which has been moving and saying those sweat melodic words, but I couldn’t - yet. So I just stared at him while we were walking together to the exit and went to the parking, trying to be as normal as we could. Quietly, we entered his small private car. He started the car. He seemed so hot when he was doing that. I didn’t have the urge to talk, I just wanted to watch him and see what have changed in past two months – nothing. He was still my beautiful, handsome boyfriend who I love so much. We continued for some time driving and then suddenly he turned left to some desert road in the woods and just when I was turning my head toward him to ask what is happening he kissed me. I felt his warm lips. He kissed me so pasionatelly, that I felt butterflies one more time, like it was first time he ever did that. I kissed him back and I tried to come closer to him, but it was really uncomfortable because we were in the car. I don't know how much time have passed, but I know that I wanted for that moment to last forever.
    “I missed you too” I said.
    He just smiled and showed me his white, perfect teeth and started the car again.
    Then we started talking about everything we have missed during two month period. He was still in the army; it was his full time job, unfortunately for us, but I didn’t have problem with that. He was moved three times from one place to another for some stupid army reasons which I didn’t understand; he didn’t come out to his brother, even though he told me that he will probably. His brother started to suspect our friendship. That’s the main reason why I’m staying at the hotel this time. We didn’t want to become even more suspicious. His mother was not ill anymore and I was so glad to hear that. She had some virus and she is really old woman so it was really dangerous for her. But she’s fine now. She’s really nice and pleasant old woman and I miss her so much, too. But I think that I won’t be able to see her this time because I won’t go to his house during this visit.
    We entered the city and my hotel was becoming nearer, and I didn’t want that. I wanted to hug him so bad and to feel his warm body and only to be there with him for all eternity, because I knew that he need go, and he will leave me alone in the hotel for some time. He has some work to do today, some army work.
But, then suddenly, while I was thinking about that, he stopped the car and I realised that we were in the front of my hotel. I didn’t want to go out of the car; just being there with him was enough for me. I wanted to watch him and to hear him speaking, nothing else (for now at least). But I must go. So I slowly looked at him and wanted to kiss him one more time, but I couldn’t because there were a lot of people in the streets, so we just walked out and he helped me to grab my stuff from the back of the car.
    “I will come tonight” he said and smiled with his adorable smile. I was stunned by butterflies one more time. Even though we are together for over two years now, I felt like it is the first time for everything we were doing, and I know that he feels the same. He simply stared at me with those beautiful hazel eyes and I wanted to take him immediately inside, but I couldn’t… We hugged again for short time like in the airport and I started walking toward doors of the hotel. I heard him closing the car doors and starting the engine again. He drove away. I entered the hotel.

    The weather here was so sultry and I was sweating a lot, so I took a cold shower, change my cloths and went to sleep for some short time because I was still tired from my long journey.
    I was woken by knocking on the doors. Only he could know the number of my room, so I jumped from the bed, with only my underwear on me and opened the door. He had changed his cloths and now he was wearing simple shirt and shorts. His muscles were shaped as never before while he was in that shirt. I looked at his strong arms and then at his peaceful, stunning eyes. He was looking at me with lust. He wanted me and I wanted him.
    He slowly entered the dark room, and come close to me. The only sparkle of light was the moonlight that entered our room after I closed and locked the door. It seemed like we were in a dream. I kissed him first, he embraced his arms around me and I move him closer to me, too. We were connected one more time. Slowly, we moved toward my temporary hotel bed and we fell down on it. I was lying over him and felt his strong, well-built muscular body under me. While he couldn’t take anything off me, I started taking off his shirt. He muscles seems so amazing while he was in it, but when I take it off, it was even better. The army really has its own charm. It is hard and dangerous, but he is the result. He didn’t look perfect, he was perfect. I slowly started to kiss his chest, his nipples, and his packs. I was so turned on. He was so turned on. I could feel it. I slowly started to unbutton his pants while kissing him once again. I closed my eyes and then he turned me over and he repeated the same process on me, the only problem he didn’t have was my pants, they already was taken off. His strong arms once again touched me and I relaxed. I knew that I was safe and that he’s only mine. We are going to become one once more, after long time. I love him so much. He means world to me, and I know that he feels the same way.
    After more kissing, we have become one and it was feeling so good. Time has stopped; no one existed in the world except us. There was no bed, there was no hotel, and there was no one, just us in eternal embrace. He slowly climbed up so he could see my eyes. He kissed me again. I could only see two pearls of green and brown color looking at me. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, he was still there, looking at me, loving me, wanting me, taking me to the place of eternal pleasure. I was wondering am I dreaming, and after looking in those sweat, beautiful eyes, I knew that I wasn’t.
    The time stopped again for one moment which seemed even longer than infinity, and it felt so good, and so perfect. I couldn’t feel anything, he couldn’t feel anything, time stopped and we were captured in it. Then he lay down on the bed which appeared all of a sudden and we split. The connection is broken, but it’s not lost, it is still here, and I can feel it. I could feel the bond. I could hear his fast breath and my fast breath. And then after some time everything went silent for one second.
    The clock has started to tick once again. Everything was turning back to normal. We were back. I could see the room once again. It was like I was hypnotized. Then I felt little tickle on my hand and I turned my head to him. He was looking at me with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my entire life. I come closer to him and kissed him one more time, and then I took his hand and turned myself over to another side and embrace his arm around me still holding it. I was going into another world, the world which isn’t better than this one; I was going into world of dreams and I simply wanted to come back as soon as possible, but I knew that he was going with me too. He was next to me, forever.

    I woke up, finally. He was still there, next to me, still embracing me, I could feel his warm body, his arms around me, and his slow movement while he was breathing and being alive. The sun came in slowly, it was morning, maybe the dawn, maybe the late morning, but I didn’t care. I slowly touched his hair, his lips, and his face. He was deeply asleep. I could hear the clock ticking and I wanted to start this morning on perfect way. There are so many expressions which you can say to someone. I even tried several combinations in my head and I decided to use the simplest one.
    “Hey, it’s morning”, I said and kissed his warm lips one more time.



Sunday, March 14, 2010

My First Gay Date – Full Story

3/14/2010 01:43:00 AM
OK, I decided after all to write the full story about my first official gay date now and not tomorrow, because I have some amazing thing for tomorrow, and it really is amazing (well, actually Sunday already started for me, so I will publish today two posts). I just wished to publish this post first because the other one is better, I think at least. I’m so excited.

Considering my studies, this week was really hard, I had like 3 tests until now and that left me more 5 to go. It will be tough but I will do my best.

Okay, so here we go… You all know that I’m hanging a lot at some gay online dating site, because that’s probably my only way to find someone here. So soon after I stopped writing and I took little break from blogging, I started to talk to one guy. I usually talk to a lot boys over there, but I don’t do anything special, I just try to find some information about gay related stuff and gay life in my city and yeah, I heard a lot of stories and hear a lot of experience of another gays in my country, that’s all. I never made courage to come and met some guy in person.

So let’s get back to that boy. He was really amazing, he is one year younger than me and he was really communicative and had a lot more experience than me. There was something I really liked about him, I couldn’t explain. He was very direct and talked a lot of stuff I wanted to hear, to be honest. And then after two three conversations through MSN he simply gave me his Facebook account and I checked him (with some fake profile I know) and he really seemed like nice and the guy who won’t lie about himself (and you know that on dating sites there is a lot of fake profiles, people who don’t show their real faces etc). We even have a lot in common, for example, we both like to ride bicycle like crazy, and that was our first conversation, when he contacted me he sent me image of himself riding bicycle so we started conversation on that subject.

And then he begged. Well, not exactly, but he was very persistent to talking me into coming and meeting with him in person somewhere in city. And I liked him a lot, so I promised that maybe I will somewhere in the future. And I was really busy with my birthday organization (yeah, I turned 20, so like I’m now in my third decade, shit, I feel old now)… But never mind that, after birthday craziness, he convinced me to go on a date on Wednesday 10th of March and I agreed. I thought a lot and I decided to try this to be more “out” because I was really pressured with all this happening in my head, so I needed some filter. We even exchanged numbers and I gave him my real one.

When I told May, she was really against that, because she was afraid for me, she thought that I would end beaten up or something worse, and later I realised that she’s maybe against all what I’m feeling. Even if she knows about me, she is bit conservative girl and maybe this is too much for her. I know that she would never say this to anybody. She’s maybe kind of disgusted with the idea of me having anal sex, but that’s some other subject, which I will try to write about soon. And she’s even busier than me with school so we don’t talk too much these past few days, because we are on different Faculties. But I plan to talk more with her on this subject but I will take it slow, because she has her own problems, with University and boys and stuff, so I will be only the person who hears her and later I will mention this. I don’t want to pressure her too much.

OK, let’s get back to the main subject, I’m really making this long post. Wednesday came and the day before I felt very nervous. I decided to be loyal to my word, so I didn’t want to ditch the guy (we need some name for him, let me see, let’s call him Ian, funny name, but sounds fine, and his real name starts with an ‘I’, that’s why, and I just choose the first name under ‘I’ at That day it was snowing really badly, we even had blizzard and snow and wind all together mixed up. It was really awful night and I made him come near my Faculty and wait for me. He came bit earlier and I was really scared in one moment of a lot of guys running toward me in the intention of beating the hell out from me, but I stayed brave. Yeah, I know I can be sometimes really paranoid, but it’s only cause I hear a lot of bullshits happening to “different” people, but slowly that shit is running away from my hear, which is really great. But I realised that it couldn’t happen, because it was really cold and no one would force himself to go in the city on that cold just to beat some stupid gay guy.

He came, but he was in the station across the road and I sent him message just to cross the street and then I saw him and from the first moment I saw him I knew that nothing will happen that night nor any other night. He is really great guy, but not my type and I simply didn’t like him. I feel kind of mean because of this, but what can I do, to hook up with him only because I feel sorry for him, sorry but no. And I would really like for my first experience to get some handsome, nice and hot guy. Yeah, I’m not only dreaming, that kind of guys really exist. But that’s some other story :-)

We like walked (yeah on the cold) in the most famous park in my city, it’s really big and I choose that cause I knew that no one will be there on this cold and I was right. I was really afraid to go to some café at first. This was the first time I was doing something like this and it felt really amazing. I didn’t felt like I’m hiding myself and for the first time in my life I didn’t have to think of what I’m talking, as not to make myself the target of suspicion. It felt amazing. And he was really patient and he tolerated all of my bullshits. He understood because he was acting the same way as I on his first date. He’s really good!

And then, the cold was too much (I didn’t expect to be so fierce) and we decided that we will go to some café. We talked about some usual stuff, and just touched the subject of “difference” two or three times. We went to some really amazing café which I like so much and it’s empty during a day (I always wondered why is that because it’s really amazing café, not too much expensive and very comfortable, some romantic atmosphere etc., my favourite place, just for the record). So we sit there, and maybe it was Murphy’s Law or something, but that night the café decided to be full of people.

And while he was in the toilette I realised that I forgot to turn off silent profile on my mobile phone and then I noticed like million calls from May. She was calling like crazy because she thought that something happened to me. I called her immediately and explained her everything and apologise. She is such a good friend. And it is fortunate that it didn’t pass too much time after I met up with him, so she didn’t worry too long.

When Ian got back from toilette, we continue our conversation; the people over there didn’t stop us to talk about a lot of subject. We exchanged our experience; I told him all about D. and a bit about S. situation. He had some amazing situation, too (also with the guy name exactly like S.). And he’s very brave, because he even admitted to that guy that he’s in love with him. It’s really complicated story, I will just tell you that they remained friends and that Ian is still suspecting his S. as “different”.

So, after a lot of talk, I realised that this is probably my first gay date and then it hit me like lighting. I mean, I’m on a date, and what happens on a date, people get together, and I didn’t want to get together with Ian. I know that he won’t try anything in public (homophobic nation blah blah blah), but still what will happen after? And from that point I thought only about that “little” thing. I didn’t want him to try to kiss me or something, so we’ll get into some really weird and awkward situation.

And nothing happened (thank God), we went to the station for the buses, we were taking different ones, so we just said good bye to each other and I entered mine because it was there first.

And when I came home, after eating, I immediately published the post. :-)

Later, we talked again on MSN and tomorrow, I told him in a fine way that I don’t like him, don’t worry, it was pleasant talk and he was really cool with it. He sent me message in Thursday to meet up in Friday again and I didn’t want to give him any false hope, because that would be even worse than this I-don’t-like-you part, so I sent him message: “Yeah, but only in a friendly way.” And he simply replied: “We can’t go differently in public, right?” and I replied: “Yeah, you’re right, but still, I don’t want that you think something…” and he simply replied: “Oh, man, don’t worry, it’s really okay if you don’t like me… Yo, you are really complicated sometimes” and then the conversation was really pleasant and normal. OMG, it was so easy and it was so nice. Sorry for retelling in this weird way, but I can’t write any better, it’s too late and I need to get some sleep.

All in all I enjoyed the whole date even I was bit stressed. And we agreed to see each other in Friday again, as friends only. He’s really great and I’m looking forward to become friends with him.

And also some interesting stuff happened today, with two guys, but only through chat. I’m getting a feeling that something will happen soon and I would really like that. Very much! My confusion will be finally over.

This is really becoming large post and I don’t want to bore you and take you too much time. That’s all for this post. Stay tuned for tomorrow, I’m answering this question: “what is your favourite fantasy when you masturbate?” and I prepared some really nice story. I’m so excited to hear your opinion, OMG I can’t wait. I need to fix all mistakes, you’ll see why.

Thank you sooooo much for reading, it really means a world to me!!!



Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My First Gay Date

3/10/2010 10:28:00 PM
It is exactly like it sounds, I went out on a date with some guy. I just came back and I wanted to inform you first (May already knows, lol). It was a HUGE step for me as a totally closeted guy. A lot had happened during a week and a half while I was absent. And big sorry, but this will be quick post and a teaser for the full story, cause I'm super busy with school, and my midterms are starting this Friday and I need to catch up with the work, cause I'm a lot behind.

OK, that's all for now. The complete story is coming this Sunday :-) and also a few more answers to your questions. Thank you one more time for asking and reading and following and everything. I love you all.

And sorry to all bloggers because I didn't read your blogs in quite some time, like I said, I'm very busy, and I will catch up with blogosphere when I get some spare time. I miss you and your blogs...



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