Monday, May 3, 2010

First Gay Break Up

5/03/2010 04:34:00 PM
First, a huge apologise for not posting in a while, honestly I didn't have the inspiration to write and I noticed that my English became ever rustier than before, and yes, I was lazy...

I will be quick, this will be a quick update, cause I'm bit tired and bored and I would like to lay down on my bed for a moment after publishing this.

I broke up with V. Well, he broke up with me, we were together for only two weeks and we were talking to each other a lot more... He broke up with me because of my physical looks and because he didn't felt that this relationship will be for long time, he searches for something else. He's kinda hyper and unstable and he wants someone who will make him calm :-) and he doesn't like the fact I'm bit unexperienced. There is maybe something else, I can feel it, but he didn't told me. Maybe I was boring to him or something, dunno, and now I don't care. He told me that I was great and very dear person and we stayed in touch... From now on we are friends :-) and I'm fine by that. He's a good person, when he wishes to be, and I don't regret anything doing with him. We didn't came to sex part, but we tried oral sex for a short time, and I don't like it. It was fun kissing a boy and I liked it... I'm grateful to him for opening this chapter of my life and for being good, slow and honest from the start. I'm really satisfied with my first gay experience... and I feel more free... and liberated...

And now disclaimer for my physical looks. I'm not that bad. I'm bit skinny, true, and not in shape now, but he wanted someone with more muscles and stuff like that, and I understood him. I had better body one year ago, when I was training actively and when I was going in gym, but now, after a year of drinking and not doing anything with exercises I get rusty... But I started going to pool and doing my swimming hours two times a week (omg, I missed swimming A LOT and I really enjoyed swimming last week) and I'm planning to start with gym soon. I regularly ride my bike and I think that I'm very athletic, but obviously not enough for V.

Well, I'm not that down because he broke up with me for such a stupid reason, I was down cause I get easily attached to people and usually get hurt, and I know that I need to be careful to whom I'm giving my heart, but I don't care, I usually see good in people and I'm very optimistic and happy person. I was hurt a lot of times before and I'm ready to be hurt again. V. hurt me, because I was starting to fall in love with him, or maybe I was just thinking that I started to fall in love with him, cause he was my first experience and I was kinda only excited cause I will be with a guy and was blinded by that. I knew it from the beginning that he's kinda "difficult" personality, but I was ignoring that but in the same time, I was preparing myself for this break up cause I knew that it will come to this, from the start, but I had hopes that everything will be okay. And all became clear to me when I cooled down from V.

Now, after few days of moaning, I'm okay and I started chatting with Mike again, and soon after breakup, in the moment of sadness I tried to get over V. by meeting up in person with Mike... And I did meet Mike in person, and OMG, I stopped thinking about V. after seeing Mike approaching and offering his hand for handshake... Then I saw Mike one more time, two days ago after some clubbing and we became really close, even though we know each other for such a short time (chatting more than two months online) and after two "dates"... At our first date, after only two minutes, I had a feeling that I know him for a very long time. And the story kinda has sense when you know what we both experienced, but I can't reveal that details yet. He's so FREAKING cute!!! And hot and good person, and I really like him.

I know, I'm maybe a bitch and mean person, because after two days from my breakup I ended meeting another guy, but V. get over me even sooner, I noticed that he was logged on that dating site few days before we "officially" broke up even though we agreed that we won't go on that site and we won't meet with another people. But never mind now... I still have good thoughts about him... He is difficult and different person from me, but I understand him and I still care about him (now as friends)...

Okay, and btw, today is Mike's birthday, he's officially 21... :-) And we are texting each other like crazy... I think that this relationship or something will be way more better than mine and V.'s... I like Mike more as a person... V. was just my punching step into gay world, and that's why I cared a lot about him, probably...

That will be all for now... Thanks for reading... I'm hoping that you are doing great, too...?!

I decided that I will be answering the questions differently from now on (I mean on 'Ask Me Anything' posts). I will answer all questions asked for example in April at the beginning of May in one single post, and so on...

Take care and be safe...
P.S. Sorry because there is no any hot pictures, but I really don't have time to put them now... :-)

About the author

Secret Blogger is writing about his life, living as a gay guy in a homophobic society.


  1. Well I'm glad ur not moping around after ur break-up..cuz that's kinda the worst thing to do! Really applauding u for that....cuz the reason seems really lame to me!!

    About dating Mike...well, all I'm going to say is...don't get into it so quick! Stay safe and have fun!

    Nice to read a post from you!

  2. @Phunk: Thank you so much for your comment and for all other previous comments and for always reading my blog, this really means the world to me...

    I'm always strong and optimistic and always believe that everything is "happening with a reason", even if I feel the worst... I stopped being moping guy a long time ago...

    Don't worry about Mike ;), we have special relationship now and I really like it and I really like Mike ;). I will be bit slower with him than with V. :) You will be all informed

  3. Hey B., what a sweet post. I think you are taking it the right way. The best cure for heartache is a new boyfriend and you are using the right approach. As for physical looks, personally I always liked guys on the skinny side, maybe slightly muscular. (It makes their dicks look bigger!lol) It is a good idea to stay on the friendly side with other gays cos you might get introduced to a gay guy you really like. In your twenties it is a good idea to me mindful of your diet and keep an exercise routine as part of your lifestyle, both for your looks and long term health. I'm glad you and Mike get along. bfn - Wayne :) (and oral sex is very hot with a guy you love!)

  4. :-/ Sorry to hear about the breakup with V, though it certainly sounds like a good thing for the both of you.

    So what's not to like about oral? Giving? Getting? Both? o_O Maybe that should've gone into my "Ask Anything" question, lol.

    I'm glad things are going well with Mike, just remember to take things a bit slower perhaps. Best of luck with everything. I'm sure you look WAY better than me (I just can't seem to lose weight no matter what I try, sigh). So I'd never judge you on your looks. :-P

  5. Hey B glad you are feeling well and good luck on everything


  6. Hi! It's probably better not to stay with a guy that only is with you because of your physical appearance.

    Concerning the oral sex, if you had no pleasure doing it, it is because it was not done properly!!! I can tell that it's damn good if you find someone who knows how to do it! :P

    Anyways, it's cool that you had a first experience. Do you think that you could still go out with a girl or do you think that after that experience you're definitely into boys?

    See you!

  7. @charlie: Well, we were doing oral for only two seconds, cause it was my first time... lol, maybe it will be better next time, we'll see

    Btw, I'm already with another guy, of man, I need to post another post soon...

    And I think that I'm still into girls and that I can be with girls, I mean, I get attracted to them too, but this seems bit better. Dunno, maybe it's just a phase crossing from bisexual into homosexual, we'll see that too :)

    Thanks for comment and for reading! Cheers :P


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