Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How I lost Mike

1/18/2011 03:26:00 AM

This will be strange post, and maybe a bit confusing, but with that you can see how I feel. Totally confused, full of million thoughts, and dunno what to do next. It will be probably a stupid move, but I can’t handle the situation anymore. This is the first time I’m writing this post and the actual situation is happening, if you understand me. Every post I wrote in past year was only retelling the past; this is the post for the future and the things that are happening right now.

Okay, so as I said before, I gained my peace with Mike and Chris, but for a short time. Few days ago, everything was perfect, I talked to Chris and I started to get his trust. Two days I even were at Mike’s house without him getting all jealous and angry. It was going to be nice and perfect friendship or whatever, until the day Mike decides to tell Chris whole truth, and then he told him that he cheated on him with some guy, the boyfriend of his friend. It was only kiss and nothing more. That night I wasn’t sleeping and I was watching some TV Show and couldn’t fall asleep until the morning. Then I got message at about 8 AM, it was from Chris. It said: B, please call me.

I called him and he told me that he broke the window glasses in the store of that Mike’s friend. That the friend of Mike’s made him to hook up with his own boyfriend and that he’s hurt and that he can’t speak. I was getting emotional shock, because I knew that Chris is very unstable and that he can do harm to himself. I told him to stay calm and to go with Mike. I called Mike, he was crying and saying he’s a jerk, that he’s not alright and stuff like that. I was getting so nervous and so worried about them both.

Later, when I called Mike (Chris’s phone was off), he told me that Chris is in his house and everything is okay. Then I felt slight relief, but only for a short time. I sent them both message to tell me when they finish and when they are okay, and I went to a friend’s house, because I promised my friend that I would come along. I didn’t slept the whole day and I was so tired.

Cause once Mike told me that Chris was even capable of killing himself and Mike, because Mike isn’t with him. It is some fucked up stuff, like we call it the yellow moment (moment when you don’t think clearly), I got worried like hell. I was calling both Chris and Mike’s phone, and both were off. I went from friend’s house directly to Mike’s neihgbourhood and was going around, trying to convince myself to go into Mike’s house. I was scared, because maybe his sister could be there, his father is not the problem because he knows me, and the second fear was to enter the house and see both Mike and Chris together. Okay, for one moment while talking with Chris, I even wanted to see them together, but in that moment, while I was wandering around Mike’s neighbourhood, I wasn’t ready. So I wanted… Then I went to the shop where the friend of Mike (the one who “made” mike kiss him boyfriend) and I saw the broken glasses. Then I returned to Mike and entered the house and saw his father. He just told me to go upstairs and I entered Mike’s room. Meanwhile, while being outside I called Chris’s number and some woman picked up. She told me that she doesn’t know no one named Chris, that she found the mobile and that she doesn’t care anymore, because the mobile is her and she asked me not to call this number again. Then I got mental, because I made scenario that Chris throw his mobile somewhere and killed himself. I was calling and telling the woman that it’s matter of life and death and that please she must tell me where she found the mobile, I don’t care about the mobile, she can keep it, I just need to find Chris. I called several times and everything, the woman was acting weird and she hung up on me. Then I decided to enter Mike’s house no matter what. Because I needed to find what happened, the situations was getting to be really really serious and dangerous.

I saw Mike sleeping; I was scared as hell, because I thought that Chris did something to Mike. I entered the room breathing very fast and I was so tired because I didn’t sleep the whole day, and I was feeling slight fever on my face. I even thought in one moment that I fill faint, but I didn’t, thank God. I talked to Mike and he told me that they had a huge fight, that Chris took his SIM card and changed all Mike’s passwords online (Facebook, Skype, Windows Live Messenger, fake Facebook)… Everything. He removed me from Mike’s friend list. He removed anyone connecting Mike with that friend, removed all connection Mike to gay world and left.

Then I called Chris’s number and the phone still was off. Me and Mike were talking for some time, he was getting widely awake and we even cried, talked about Mike and Chris’s relationship, about what I think about Mike and we both got very emotional and cried like little babies. He was smoking, he was fully clothed. I was going online on my Facebook and sending messages to Chris (because I still had him in my friends list), trying to see if he’s online on Skype and stuff like that. I got really worried, and then after I while, Mike was ready to leave to search for Chris. We meant to go to the apartment where Chris’s brother lived and it’s empty now, and Chris uses it from time to time. Mike got ready and we went outside.

Okay, now we come to some very emotional part, it’s so hard for me to write. The whole time I was talking to Mike and while I saw what Chris did to him (meaning on that passwords and stuff); I simply knew that I see Mike for the last time. And I was feeling that the whole way to the bus station…

Ok, sorry for this, but I really can’t finish this post right now. I can’t write and I can’t concentrate. I’m getting to emotional over all. Please understand me. I will tell you the rest of the story next time.

Thanks for reading and sorry for all grammatical mistakes, I really couldn’t reread the post, because it’s really hard for me. I’m really depressed all 5 days since this happened, and you’ll see why.


About the author

Secret Blogger is writing about his life, living as a gay guy in a homophobic society.


  1. Hey B.!

    Don't know what happened and by reading it didn't make much sense to me either. But I do hope that you are feeling better now...even if just a little..but I do hope you are feeling better!

  2. Wow, sounds like a lot of things were going on there! You have so many other things going on in your life, you don't need this drama. If possible, find some way to disentangle yourself from the situation.


  3. B, if you've read my blog, you'd know that there's a boy named Clinton in my life (was), and I had the exact feeling one day after he told me that he hooked up with a guy at 2am. We weren't dating anymore at that time, but him taking a cab to see a guy to hook up with a guy at 2am just broke my heart. I feel so right to not talk to him anymore, and that, I did. I told him that it was the end - we had dinner, etc. He cried like a baby, and so did I. Everything felt right, but it wasn't until the end of the night that I thought, this is NOT right. So we became friends again.

  4. @Aaron: Sounds awful that what happened to you... But somehow, you are not forced to be away from that guy you dated, so you are free to do whatever you want. Chris is kinda complicated person and he is very possessive and for one period he didn't allow Mike to go out and to see other people except him. It is so more complicated but I'm sorry to hear that happening to you. I totally understand you...



SecretBlog.net (Secret Blog of a Gay Guy) claims no rights to the photographs posted on this blog, unless it's noted that I'm the owner and/or photographer.

All images, unless otherwise noted, were taken from the Internet and are assumed to be in the public domain. In the event that there is still a problem or error with copyrighted material, the break of the copyright is unintentional and noncommercial and the material will be removed immediately upon request.

By viewing this blog you are verifying that it is not illegal for you to view the content herein. You are held responsible for any state, local or your countries laws.

All models are believed to be of legal age or older. I am not responsible for the content of sites that link here or that I link to.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...