Friday, January 7, 2011

I have found my peace....

1/07/2011 01:35:00 AM
I can't believe... It is so weird, so funny, so strange, but still so AMAZING... I have found my peace with Mike and Chris and all feelings I had for Mike. Everything happened so fast. I was pissed, angry, I even hate him, but in the same time I loved him. I was angry at Chris too, and I was blinded by my feelings, and I was very pissed by just hearing his name... Now everything has come to an end...

Few days ago, well two days ago, I send Chris message and came to idea to try have some friendly relationship with him, cause I don't want to lose Mike... And I did and me and Chris talked (A LOT) over Skype and... I feel relieved and amazing after so much time of sadness and all the crazy things I did because of love. I even started to care for Chris, cause he really is a nice person, who suffered a lot. I always knew that, but I was implanted with the thought by Mike that he's kinda crazy and stuff like that. Also, I found my peace cause I realised that me and Mike will never work, I knew that earlier, but I didn't want to accept that, after seeing and meeting Chris, I feel relieved...

Also, it is not only because of Mike... I also wanted to meet Chris, cause first time Mike mentioned him was when we were going out (we weren't together) and he just mentioned something basic, and I was intrigued with his story and even then I wanted to meet him, and I noticed that Mike care for him. But then, things got out of control, Mike did what he did, Chris acted crazily and I was confused, I was pissed, I was disappointed, I was blinded, but now I was able to move on and to put all my bad feelings beside, cause I believe that every person has some story to tell, and I was able to listen to Chris and to put myself in his position and I think and I hope so that this will be okay from now on. It is my wish and my desire, cause I like to hang out with good people. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. And I don't want to limit myself to my selfish goals, maybe the reason why I did it was selfish, but I will never try to ruin Mike and Chris's relationship, as long as they are together, I'll be happy for them, cause I realised few things.


Also I think that Mike is maybe a pathological liar, and I need to rethink about this thought, which is strange, but still maybe it's only my imagination, but something feels weird. And also that he isn't aware of it. There's something strange about him. But I don't care about that too much right now, maybe I will find with time. I only know that I love him and that my love-love feelings are a LOT reduced, cause I finally have found my peace. And I will be there for him and from now on, I will be there for Chris, too. I want to know him better and to help them both. Sounds so strange and maybe like I'm playing with fire, and maybe it's hard to understand, but it is really like that... I mean that honestly.

I will try to write longer update soon, and I also have to answer a lot of questions and I still owe you the post about my life which will shock you all, and expect that in few days :) And I'm in the middle of exams, so be patient.

And also I think that I will be rich person when I write my book :) about my life and about all crazy things that happened in it... Can't wait... I even started to write first chapter :-)

Okay, that's all folks, for now... Stay tuned for next updates... :) See ya soon! Thanks for reading and have a nice day... I love you all!!!
P.S. I forgot to wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR. ALL THE BEST, HOPE THAT THIS NEW YEAR WILL BRING US SOMETHING SPECIAL... May it be better than last one... But nevertheless, I'm still grateful to everything that happened. :) I feel so happy and fulfilled :P

About the author

Secret Blogger is writing about his life, living as a gay guy in a homophobic society.


  1. It's really awesome to hear that you're moving on. It's good that you're finding your peace and I think it's cool that you got in touch with Chris, it seems like it really helped you realize how you feel.

  2. Like he said...awesome to know that ur moving on with healthy feelings about Mike and Chris! :)

  3. :) Thanks... Today is second day after all this chaos, and I feel relieved, really, it is so weird, and there's so much new emotions and also some old ones, but I'm ready to bury them down... Thanks for commenting

  4. I'm glad you're moving on and have a bit of closure. Things left unsaid or undone always haunt us somehow. Good luck on all your exams!!


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