Friday, February 25, 2011

Budapest - Day 4 - Sunday, February 6th

2/25/2011 02:09:00 AM
After the rough night, I didn’t have any headache nor a hangover, everything was perfect (probably because I drunk a lot of water right after going to sleep, which is a good technique for the hangover, believe me).

This day I was visiting Citadella, the famous Hungarian hill, the highest spot in Budapest, where you can see whole Budapest, almost the whole panorama.

Also, this day I decided to find some hostel, and to move there, because I didn’t want to be a burden to Den, he already did a lot for me, usually couchsurfing lasts like 2-3 day and I was at his place 4 days already. I was visiting Citadella during night, and that moment was really scary, because I got somewhere near the hill and then ended in some neighborhood where there was no light, so I kinda got scared, but everything was fine later. Then, after going there, at the top and seeing magnificent view of the whole Buda and the whole Pest, I was stunned and amazed and it was simply – beautiful. Even this word is not enough to explain it. I saw some pictures of Citadella during day, but during night it’s way better and the weather was so clear, there was no fog, there were no clouds, you could see the stars. Simply said, it was perfect and I really enjoyed it.

When I decided to go back I again stepped into the dark. This way was a bit different, but I was walking down the hill in some crappy staircase and it was really slippery and I also got scared, because I was all alone, but still remained free.

Meanwhile, I forgot to mention that I was looking for a job while I was in Budapest (because as I said, I went there with the intention of leaving everything behind me) and I have found some. One of them was working in some hostel and the guy told me that he will message me when he’s out there in that hostel so I can come for an interview.

When I got home, totally tired, Den promised me that he will take me to cinema the following day, free of charge, to say goodbye. It was so nice of him. I told him that I will move tomorrow to the hostel, I just needed to book one. He was really great, I couldn't have wished for more. I don't know did I got lucky or is there someone watching over mer, but this couchsurfing experience was perfect.


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Budapest - Day 3 - Saturday, February 5th

2/22/2011 04:26:00 AM
Woke up around 1 PM and 12 PM. I chatted a lot with Chris throughout whole trip and we really bounded, which was my point, so I can stay close to Mike, but also, it’s a way to easier for me to suppress all the feeling toward Mike if I find Chris okay guy and if I become maybe happy because they are together. During my stay in Budapest, I planned not to have any contact with a lot of people, but simply said, it was destiny, and usually me and Chris were online in the same time and we chatted a lot, talked about a lot of things (and not only considering this complicated situation) and cleared things out, which was great and kinda very healthy for the whole situation. It helped me a lot and I’m glad.

Later, after a talk with Chris, I prepared myself for the bike ride. The roads of Budapest and the weather (14° C) were amazing. The sun was shining, and it almost felt like spring. I love this kind of weather and it was simply perfect. I drove throughout the whole Budapest, sightseeing all the huge, beautiful buildings with bike, my real first love. I was completely free, like a bird, driving fast. Getting across the bridge and entering Buda. I was climbing to the hill to see a statue. Then I was driving more, alongside with other people who were riding the bike today. This was one of my best experiences, I can’t really explain why (is it because I didn’t ride my bike in more than half a year, or simply because I was driving the bike in Budapest, I don’t know), but I simply loved it and doing that on my own, completely free and completely alone made me feel like a child, I didn’t need to worry about anything, just cycling and hitting the break when it was necessary to do. I was cycling for about 3-4 hours maybe and it was getting darker and darker and I was getting really hungry and I needed to go to a toilet so I returned “home”, took a shower (which was so pleasant), waited for Den and thanked him so much. But the night and the day didn’t end here. We were planning to go to some party that Saturday night.

Den worked as a host in some Budapest night club so the plan was to drink somewhere before going to that club and joining Den. But the entrance was too much so we decided that we will go to some other club instead and before that, drinking at home and drinking in some other pub (where drinks are very cheap). Meanwhile, I will be socializing with Den’s friends, which sounded great for me.

First, at the beginning I met his friend, whose name is not that important, but for this post, we’ll call him Nathanael (what a name :P). We bought some bottle of vodka and we were drinking in Den’s apartment and playing Xbox. It was very interesting, especially because neither Den nor Nathanael could speak English that good.

It was kinda funny and the atmosphere was getting to be really great, because we were getting drunker and drunker. It was really amazing and I enjoyed that a lot. After finishing vodka, beers and watching funny clips on YouTube, we went out. We went first to some pub, but the line for entering was too long, so we just went home and bought some more drinks. In the way, some other Den’s friend joined us and Nathanael was kidding and making fun of him and he clearly mentioned that he consider him “gay” and even now I don’t know is Peter gay or not. But that moment, and the eye contact between him and Nathanael was kinda weird, like they tried to tell me something. Dunno, I didn’t want to think about that, and I didn’t want to come out to anyone on this trip unless I decide otherwise. Hungary is kinda gay-friendly, but still, it was my trip and I wanted to find myself and by telling all the people around me that I’m gay, I couldn’t do that, which is on the other hand very sad for us gay men. I simply didn’t felt comfortable to come out to Den and to the rest of them. That’s why I kept myself quiet.

Later some Den’s girl friend (a friend who is a girl :P) also joined us, her name is not that important, also, and I didn’t talk to her that much, so I will just mention her only here, it’s only important for you to know how many people were in the club that night.

After finishing bottle of rum with Den and Peter and Nathanael and that girl-friend (at home, because we returned home), we went out again, and the plan was to meet some other people and go clubbing. In the meanwhile, because we were drunk and we didn’t pay too much attention, we forgot Nathanael somewhere in the way. And from that moment on, I didn’t see him. He stayed in the apartment in the toilet and we simple left him there, he kinda got mad and didn’t go to the club by himself, later we spoke over Facebook, and he was okay, at least he get some sleep because he was working in the morning, so him staying and not going to the club was kinda good for him.

We meet some other people (I think it was like 5-6 people) somewhere near city center and we were heading to the club. I don’t remember their names, because first, it was Hungarian names, second, there are pronounced so weird, so I needed a lot of attention to just remember Den’s and Nathanael’s name, and with these guys, I was too drunk, so remembering names was kinda useless.

It was birthday of one girl and Peter and Den thought me to say “Happy birthday” but I forgot the phrase. All what I could say then was: “Hello, thanks” :) Den left us somewhere in between, because he was working in the other club, totally drunk :P

On the way to the club I was joking with a lot of people, talking, making friends. I was really drunk and for the first time in a very long time I got drunk and I was happy and smiling and enjoying dancing and laughing and it was another amazing experience.

The people I met were making me dance, buying me drinks, having fun with me, even though I saw them for the first time in my life. They were so friendly and so great, and to be honest, I also didn’t expect that. It was amazing; I simply don’t know how to explain it to you. We bounded a lot, made a lot of jokes and we only saw each other one time.

I returned home around 4 AM totally drunk. Den’s wasn’t able to come to the party where we all were because he was really busy. He got home around 4:30 AM; we drunk some water together and fall asleep.

Also, I must mention that one of Den’s friends (one guy in that 5-6 people group) was so freaking hot and so amazingly to watch while he was dancing. It was very pleasant sight. He was nicely dressed, great shaped body, kinda short, but totally my type of guy. And I like short guys :)

I was dancing even with him, but with a lot of other girls around, so it wasn’t that “gay”… And I even added him on Facebook, so perhaps, when I’m back in Budapest next time, someone will give me a warm welcome, if I find him gay in some chat or dunno. Facebook can do miracles. And yeah, when it’s necessary I can be a stalker… :) Yeah, I know, I’m a mean and very weird person. But what can I do, I miss kisses, hugging, cuddling, and talking to someone about anything. I’m such a gay :P

This whole night was the night to remember. I want to say thanks Den’s for everything he did for me, even though he will probably never read this. But I’m really grateful to him, he is a great guy.


Monday, February 21, 2011

Fortune teller...

2/21/2011 03:15:00 AM
A small post between my "Budapest log" posts. David and Lucy promised me to bring me to the fortune teller soon, maybe in two-three days and it is only for fun. David's sister got amazed by what she saw her, and she didn't know anything else except her birthday and later she told her everything, described the people she cares about and stuff like that and David later came up with the idea to go there. Later, Lucy also joined and that all happened while I was in Budapest. Today, David told me that he would like if I also come and he even intended to ask her for me, even if I don't go with them, because he and Lucy are very amused with my story :) and not only because of Mike and Chris, but because I'm gay. My future is kinda very amusing and interesting, because of all the facts surrounding me.

So we are waiting for the call of that fortune teller, to see when she is in town, and we will go probably in Wednesday, I think. To be honest, I'm very scared but also very curious (we don't plan to tell her that I'm gay, to see what she will tell us) and David doesn't know about Lucy's secret crush on one of our friends (to whom I also told about my sexuality, I will name him later) and that story is also very complicated, Lucy told me everything after I came out to her. So this trip will be interesting, maybe dangerous, maybe risky, but all in all - a new experience. In the beginning I will probably only watch to see what she will tell David and Lucy, but maybe I will also join the circle of fortune telling.

This is so weird. Okay, you'll be updated, stay tuned for more about Budapest and revealing my future. And "Ask Me Anything"...

Thanks for reading and for following.


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Budapest - Day 2 - Friday, February 4th

2/20/2011 09:03:00 PM
Finally, I woke up at 7 AM, well, Den woke me up, because he was going to his work and I was planning to walk around the city a bit and clear my messy head. I used my whole day to go around Budapest, watching buildings, people, monuments, just walking, getting across the famous Chain Bridge and sitting on the bench in the park which overlooks the Pest side of the Budapest. I stayed there for around one hour and I enjoyed the view and it was very relaxing. It was kinda cold, but I didn’t care. I was carefree and simply said – free. I enjoyed that feeling, and I was completely alone, which I wanted, because sometimes I like being totally alone and it was amazing. Budapest is such an old, beautiful, amazing city. I liked it a lot. I bought metro ticket for 7 days, got home so tired, my legs hurt so much, I met Den at “home”, who was working late and he told me that I can use his bike tomorrow if I would like to go around the city. We were talking about this the day before and I told him that I love driving a bike, so I accepted. Riding a bike is my huge hobby, by the way, and one of my dreams is to go around every city I visit by bike.

With this day I saw that I could trust Den completely and he was really trustful to me, too. He gave me his keys for the apartment even though I was a complete stranger. It was funny but in the same time the most interesting experience.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Budapest - Day 1 - Thursday, February 3rd

2/18/2011 11:41:00 PM
I arrived at Keleti Train Station somewhere around 3 PM and 4 PM. A friend called Den was waiting for me. If you are not familiar with term ‘couch surfing’ please visit or simply Google it. He was my first couch surfing experience and now you can see how desperate I was to go somewhere and to relax a bit. To be honest, this was very risky and very reckless move to do, because I accepted his hosting even though he and I don’t have any references in his profile, but he was the only person who accepted me, and I have sent a lot of requests. But you must start somewhere, right? However, I’m not that reckless, of course I have added him on Facebook (to see if he’s genuine, and he was), but you know that one: you can never know. So, after getting off the train, I send him a text saying that I arrived and he told me to come at the entrance of that huge station. I slowly started going there, and was making myself not to think about all the other stuff I was thinking during my travel to Budapest, considering Mike, considering fight with my parents, considering my crappy city I left behind, considering my education which I was about to drop out. I was going to Budapest with the thought that maybe I won’t go back.

Of course I felt scared, because you are stepping into unknown and I was also scared because of Den, you are meeting someone unknown and you need to spend like few days in his apartment and sleep there and simply be in stranger’s company for a few days. He could be a killer, he could be a rapist, he could be who knows what, but simply sometimes you need to trust people and to let go. And I was making myself do that, and that thought helped me move away all the other stuff torturing me. Now I had a new problem. In Den’s profile, he seemed like a nice guy and until the end of this whole story you’ll see that he really is a great guy. I was scared, but when I met him, he seemed totally normal and cool guy – with very bad English. I don’t say my English is great, but Den’s English was very very bad. For example, one time when we talked, he made only one sentence in half an hour. And I tried to help him, we talked a lot, I taught him some phrases (like: ‘nose is running’ and stuff) but I had hard time understanding him. But we managed and I enjoyed a lot in his company, no matter language barrier. He was also very cute with his iPhone and his translator while we were talking and I’m not saying this in a mean way, it was simply cute. Even though he’s 25, he seemed like a small child. And right now I’m experiencing a huge smile, because I remembered him like that. When it comes to his physical looks, he really is cute, has blue eyes (as a lot of Hungarians) and was well-built, but not my type of guy, if you see him, you can say he is beautiful, but simply, even though he is beautiful, you are not attracted by him. I mean, at least I wasn’t, beside the fact that he IS hot and cute.

After meeting, we went outside and for the first time after 3 years I saw Budapest once again. I felt free, I felt the chills on my skin (because it was cold and because I simply enjoyed that), I saw building, people, and everything was so unknown and so new. Den and me took a bus and come to his building, in his neighbourhood. Now, my second float of fear was coming, because I need to enter his building and then his apartment. I was scared, but I forced my fear away and I manage to enter his room. And everything was – okay. He got me a sofa where I can sleep. I met his first roommate (he lives with 4 guys) and then we chatted and hangout till we decided to go to bed. He really looked like a great guy. From that moment and on, I knew that I could trust him and I did.

After talk and realizing that I will have a trouble with fast communication, we went to bed. That night, which is understandable, I didn’t slept well, because I was waking up every hour or two, simply because you are sleeping in a stranger’s room, and in a stranger’s bed. But with few days, I got used to it. And I miss his apartment and feeling of being safe there, which is weird to say, but with this fact you know how my first couch experience was, in one word – amazing. Honestly, I didn’t expect that. One good thing happened already during my first day. I made a friend, a really good friend.


Monday, February 14, 2011

Back at home

2/14/2011 02:09:00 PM
Yesterday, after 10 days, I got back home from Budapest. I spent 10 A M A Z I N G days in Budapest and I returned home as a new person, I can simply say that to you. I realised a lot of things, met a lot of people, and lived a free life. I relaxed, found something new, experience something new, and I had a great time. I miss Budapest and all the people I met there.

This experience I experienced in only 10 days is PRICELESS. I will tell you more about it in future posts, so stay tuned... I'm starting to write my day one today.
Right now, I'm going to eat in my own kitchen and to take a shower in my own bathroom and get ready for the university...

Thanks everybody for reading and for being there for me. Btw, I have a questions, what is going on with wayner, I didn't hear from him in more than a month??? I'm kinda worried... Did anyone see him on another blogs?


Thursday, February 3, 2011

I came to Budapest :)

2/03/2011 04:16:00 PM
I'm just posting this short post to tell you I happily and successfully came to Budapest, and I have Internet and everything is fine. I hanged out with Mike yesterday, and with Chris, imagine that, what a weird situation, all three of us with a lot of drama behind us. It was too hard for me, because I was watching and torturing myself, but I wanted to say "Goodbye" to Mike and I did. Everything went fine, I missed him..

Okay, that's all for now, I wanna go out a bit in the city and see what is going on...

Thanks for reading and for all your comments, I'll try to reply on them... :)


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Budapest, here I come...

2/01/2011 05:36:00 PM
After everything, all drama, everything that happened, I feel like I’m choking and like I will slowly go insane. I screwed my exams, my relationship with Mike, my relationship with parents, everything. I feel so down and what I will write right now it’ll probably sound childish, reckless and like run away from problems, but there’s nothing else I can do. I was thinking about this a long time ago, and now, I planned everything and it feels like right thing to do, and the time is right, because of everything.

I can’t stay in this city, in this country, cause everything reminds me on Mike, I’m torturing my parents and I’m slowly dying mentally, because like I said million times before, I feel like a stranger.

I talked with my parents, I was thinking about this long time ago, to go somewhere, to clear my head, to start MY own life, to be free, to be myself, to fulfill myself.

They gave me their bless, I even found some job opportunities and in exactly two days I’m heading my way to Budapest, Hungary. And yeah, I'm putting that in public here, I won't be that mysterious like last time I went to some journey in April.
I had a chat with Chris once more, after everything, yesterday and the day before yesterday and we cleared things out, not everything but we had a nice chat. He was outraged that night and dunno what to think, about him, about Mike, about everything. I feel like naïve and very giving-myself-too-much person, because I consciously was dragged into all this, because this what I felt for Mike it’s unique, I’m aware of that, and I wanted to try anything (and when I say anything I mean anything) just to be there for him, to help him and to be next to him, I still love him no matter what and I care for him more than you can imagine, but it is impossible to be there next to him and my heart hurts like it never hurt before. I don't want to torture Chris too, because he's too possessive person, and that's how he'll make new problems for Mike and torture him more. I'm putting myself aside and I will pray and hope that Mike is alright. It will be hard, but it will be probably better far away from them, so I don't get into temptation to call them, to hear from Mike. I will have new life and new obligations, new people and new meaning. And one day, if I ever get over Mike, I know that it will be so hard and it will take a lot of time, cause I simply feel like this, 6 months after the breakup. Nothing changed, my feelings are the same, they didn't change even a tiny lil bit.

Thank you so much for reading, for all your comments, for everything, every single word on my blog, in your comments, in your emails means a world to me.

I simply love this blog.

Here’s one song for you, which is filmed in Budapest, very beautiful city. I love it! Enjoy!

Stay tuned, cause I won’t leave this blog, can’t wait to start my new adventure somewhere else.

Budapest, here I come! :)


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